After over a decade seeking to meld the two worlds, teaching mindfulness and leading major marketing accounts — garnering press and developing content for the loving local mom-and-pops and major global brands, of which five of those years were spent running my own business — I walked away.
I walked away from my life as a marketing and PR director and consultant, and straight into the office of my psychotherapist. One of the most challenging things to be okay with, was walking. I had found temporary solace in applying my decade of experience to a newfound nine-to-five, and teaching on the side, in all of the ways I knew best. Until no longer, did what I know best, help me be of service in this lifetime.
From the outside looking in, it was shiny and bright. There were many reasons it was a beautiful thing — but it wasn’t my beautiful thing. On the inside, it was soul-crushing, numbing, rattling of my bones. The more I met myself on my mat or propped my sit bones on a cushion to reconnect, the more distance I found between who I was saying I was and, who I really was — a fiery feminine wanting to be unleashed, a lifelong student in movement and mindfulness, with growing connection to Spirit. How I showed up in the world was suffering; and more importantly, my mental health was suffering. A partnership of seven years had also come to an end earlier in the year; and although conscious uncoupling was a desire for us both in theory, that was not the unfolding as we journeyed onto our respective paths.
Incredibly aware of my white privilege amongst all of this, consistently digging through my ancestry and wanting to be a better future ancestor; and (literally) tired of my nightly cocktail of naturopathic medicines for just enough hours of shut eye to be a functioning human in the world, I cracked.
It was time for me to embody the phrase I’d adopted on social media, but felt like a fraud using. It was time for me to replenish in order to rise. It was time for me to remember it’s okay “to crack”. It was okay for me to walk away. It was time for me to be okay with things not being okay. It was time for me to be okay with people wondering what I was creating next, why I was quiet, and sitting with that. It was time for me to be okay with taking the time to find new solace. It was time for me to hold my own sacred space and level up. It was time for me to invite my worlds to collide in a different way. It was time for me to honour the burning in my belly and in my heart, and for the wild but soft feminine to show up. Fully. It was time for me to take my lived experiences from a lifestyle that almost never sleeps, to embodying and reminding others that it is safe (and necessary) to replenish, whether or not you choose to switch gears entirely.
They showed up when I walked away in order to replenish. When I began to honour my body, brain and heart’s request to pause, soul family showed up. More importantly, I showed up. I began again to live heart-first, to pour my whole heart into creating again, to finding new ways to support others in doing just this. The journey of replenishment is an ongoing one, and it is my deepest desire to hold space for you to do this work. To support you in coming back to breath. To remind you that mindful rest and replenishment is part of rising — and takes on many shapes and forms. Our divine feminine does not rise without a healthy divine masculine presence. We need both. Our world needs both.
I am showing up to support this divine rising. I am showing up to hold space for both the feminine and masculine within you to rest, replenish, and rise up. Whether we are taking a few steps back to strategize over a Tea Talk, or taking a time out for sacred self-care and you are melting into your mat, I am here to tell you it’s safe and to support you in what replenishment looks like for you.