I stopped idolizing it.
The moment I stopped idolizing it, something clicked.
Something clicked.
Cogs started turning anew.
My heart expanded a little more.
The it was Soothe School.
The it was how I defined myself in my creator role.
The it was how I slowly reduced my own joy, by accepting mediocre.
The it was carrying on in a place that didn’t feel like growth, but was convenient for another.
Broadly speaking, I realized I had put it all on a pedestal.
The work.
The old vision of Soothe School.
The agreeable good girl.
I realized I stopped praying.
I stopped practicing the art of believing.
I got comfortable.
I delivered, obediently.
I let it all be good enough.
And classic as it may be, comfortable gets real uncomfortable, real fast, when the one you’re not obedient to, is yourself, and your faith.
I couldn’t breathe.
My migraines were debilitating and incessant. Almost weekly, days on end.
I had to peel back the layers. I had to get clear. And that required my unshakeable belief in the unseen.
Faith.
So I prayed again.
I practiced the art of believing, more intentionally.
I prayed to God for space.
I prayed for clarity.
And here’s the wild thing about the unshakeable art of believing: it delivers.
And the deliverance isn’t always—in fact rarely—how we think it will go.
I put Soothe School on the shelf—on an indefinite sabbatical.
I told one of my larger long term clients I was shifting directions, and offered to complete an upcoming assignment that would guarantee me another few months of work. Not for the money. But first, for my word. My integrity.
And here’s where God’s deliverance becomes known—because it was on that phone call, where I was reminded, his way is better than my way.
My assumption that three more months of income were rolling in, turned into an immediate and abrupt end. A thank you, we’re complete. I thought I had been prepared for that.
Faithfully, I had. Even if it made no logical sense.
Physically, I hadn’t been as prepared as I thought.
I felt stripped bare.
“You asked for space,” God said.
And so he left me, stripped bare. Bare in a beautiful, naturally lit loft. Wondering WTF I was doing.
The one that I had miraculously moved into, yet not coincidentally—
When I was deepest in practicing the art of believing.
When I trusted the vision more than the present reality.
When I moved like I was obedient to something greater than myself.
And yes, it was uncomfortable. But as I often say, it can be uncomfortable and still aligned.
The irony was not lost on me, that I had pre-planned to launch and deliver a program named Tender. Yet something wonderful happened when I requested that space.
While I was seemingly blindsided by another’s abrupt decision, and yes, I was tenderized, the space was created.
The prayer, fulfilled. And what an unknown blessing that was. I didn’t have the whole picture, but I did have my unshakeable faith. Which reminds me of a quote I recently heard:
“God is giving us such a blessing by not presenting the whole picture.” — Matt Gottesman
I sure didn’t have the whole picture.
But I stopped idolizing.
I put it all on sabbatical.
I released it from my grasp.
I pulled back on marketing for others.
I unfollowed a ton of the coaching industry, again.
I removed myself from spaces that swung the pendulum hard from ‘new age’ to Christianity.
I looked more closely at the resonance I felt with the people I was surrounding myself with.
I stopped believing the lie that the nervous system didn’t need to be talked about.
And I remembered, that the nervous system needs capacity.
That simply regulating without faith, is regurgitated endlessly, and misses the mark, completely.
And that, is what I’d allowed the algorithm to feed me.
I remembered what I had once read, that “I’m too much Christ for some, not enough for others.”
And that, felt perfect for me.
I remembered my walk, is my walk.
That I’m not confused if my walk with God looks different than another.
That my relationship with God is my own.
And that I still feel blessed with power of the mind and ability to stay in my body.
A beautiful thing happens when you request space, and you mean it with your whole and holy heart.
So the next time you’re praying for space, and wondering why things get removed, remember what you asked for.
And remember, the deliverance is a result of your faith in the unseen.
So yes, the moment I stopped idolizing it, somethings suddenly clicked.
Soothe School was one of those things.
I realized I hadn’t a migraine in months. The pressure to perform in an environment I had outgrown, was far greater than the pressure to move money and create wealth. Because, I know, that I am inherently wealthy—that everything is always working in my favour.
So yes, cogs started turning anew.
My heart expanded a little more.
God’s imagination is wildly more expansive than our own.
Our imagination is wildly more expansive than we often give it credit.
Access to both, requires exercise, practice, tuning, and obedience.
I mistakingly convinced myself that to find my place on Instagram, I had to follow the rules.
And then I found myself getting caught ignoring the inevitable “One More Minute” and “Remind Me In 15 ” alerts, while saving more tips than I’d ever use, rather than sharing my gifts consistently, and with joy.
I convinced myself that to claim I am a writer, I needed to finally give into the world of Substack.
And then I found myself in loops, reading others, re-stacking others, doubting myself.
I convinced myself that to make both Soothe School ‘work’, and to be a writer in a way that made sense to others, I had to pick a lane.
And then I remembered: what if Soothe School gets to be where I write?
I remembered by state of being is entirely up to me.
That noise reduction is up to me.
That my mental conversations are up to me.
That my willingness to remain committed to the art of prayer, is up to me.
I know I’m not alone.
So, Soothe School is back in session.
That’s where I’ll write.
That’s where I’ll deliver a word.
That’s the primary space where I’ll refine the instrument of my voice.
We’re not starting from scratch.
We’re not beginning again.
We’re evolving from the foundation that simply needed more clarity, more tending, and a fresh perspective inspired by a life well lived.
We’re here to do things differently.
God doesn’t need a ton of people, only devoted ones.
How devoted are you? How devoted are you to soothe, shift, and shape your life experience? Because every now moment is a choice-point.
What are you choosing?
To learn more about the 21 Days of Tender shared above…To tend to your tender seasons, and shift your perspective on how experiences arise, learn more below. This offering is currently available as a stand-alone, and will be included in Soothe School.
