I didn’t keep my word. (part 2 of 3)

PART 2 OF 3—

We all know what this feels like.
When we didn’t keep a word—especially to ourselves.

I was one foot in, one foot out. If I’m being truthful, for years.

Soothe School felt like my very own one hit wonder. And had quietly begun to feel like a bit of my own self-induced imprisonment. Constantly trying to figure out what it was.

After the first round, I re-branded, a thousand times over. Danced from concept to concept, until eventually all Soothe School felt like was an empty promise, a series of failed launches, and an inability to show up and deliver.

Soothe School is on indefinite sabbatical.

On the outside looking in, it may very well have looked quite shiny to some. And when we convey that message to our nervous system again and again, it begins to not know any other reality.

So yes, soothe School is on indefinite sabbatical. It kind of has been. Now it’s official.

When I shared this with one of my dearest friends recently, she pointed out, rather ironically, “funny, a sabbatical is something you take to go do other things that bring you more joy.”

At first, that one-liner landed like a tonne of bricks.
But within moments, it actually felt a lot more like a sudden breath of fresh air. Like a weight had lifted.

Go do other things that bring you more joy.

I realized in that moment, I had sucked the well of joy dry trying to force Soothe School to be something.

I had sucked the well of joy dry there, and in other areas of my life. Soothe School didn’t need another pivot.
It didn’t need another half-hearted attempt.
It needed honoring and completion. It needed...

I needed the acceptance that it was absolutely beautiful as it once was, and beauty gets to have a completion chapter too.

Alongside these wavering seasons of Soothe School, I never ceased to ride the wave of how many may actually know me:

Marketing and branding woman, past life publicist.

One who has spent nearly two decades in marketing, public relations and branding—from agencies and in-house overseeing multi-million dollar brands and corporations, to locally loved shops, to 6 and 7 figure powerful women entrepreneurs. Gifted with an artful eye for refining, for attuning to the subtlest shifts in aesthetic and the written word, to elevate a brand, and bring clarity and potency to one’s voice.

I am her.

I am her. And yet, all I could see were unpublished writings, and it felt like heartbreak.

There I stood, in the remnants of Soothe School, also feeling redundant in my creative endeavors, never truly releasing the title of publicist.

Quiet, behind-the-scenes, sharply attuned, precise with my words, patient observer, endless investigator.
Always, IN character.

So many moments of sheer pride and joy.
And yet… the remnants were all I could see. They felt like alarms being set off on a cellular level saying, speak.

It’s time you speak. Not in character for another.
You.

After spending those nearly two decades refining others’ voices...

Ghostwriting and putting myself in-character, I am not ashamed to admit, I have a lot to say.
Words to meet pages. Books to be published. Beauty to be experienced—through me and my voice.

And I looooooove beauty.
It’s not perfectionism.
It’s taste.
It’s the knowing that tasteful can feel quite simple, because it is refined.

So come along for the ride.
I’ve been refining and tuning my voice for a long time.

I’m about to share a lot more.

Contemplations.
Creations.
Story.

I’m a writer.
I’m here to speak.
I’m here to share a word.

And while the thought temporarily seeped in that “I’m adding to the noise”, what I really felt was a wave of relief.

The well no longer feels dry.
The well no longer feels dry.
The well no longer feels dry.

What this really means is...

Alongside the indefinite sabbatical of Soothe School...
I am also closing the doors on creating and designing for others. It’s been a good run and I feel complete.

Every moment I spend writing and pouring from the wellspring of my mastery, I move further from frustration and deeper into satiation.

This is the leadership I am stepping into.
Walk with me.

And let’s be crystal clear on one thing. My voice, is my voice. There’s no ChatGPT pulling clips and editing here. There never has been.

There is me, and what comes through in the quiet space with God.

Because fortunately, we get to begin again.
In every now moment.
And it’s never from nothing.